Some divorced parents seem to forget about the impact their behavior toward their ex can have on the children they share. Some of these people could best be described as full-on narcissists who will be willing to make things difficult for their ex no matter the cost, but others are just angry or upset about the divorce and unable to get their priorities (their children) straight right now.
No matter which of the two you are dealing with, it can make life unpleasant for you and the kids. You cannot make the other person change their behavior (although in certain cases it may be worth pointing out how harmful it is to you and the kids), but you can seek ways to minimize the opportunity for damage. For example:
1. Place restrictions on your communication
If every phone call ends up with your ex shouting at you down the phone, don’t talk to them by phone. Restrict communication to email only. You will then have a written copy of their poor behavior should you need it at any point.
You can also ask your children’s school and any out-of-school clubs they attend to copy you both into all emails or messages so you can both stay informed without needing to pass on messages.
2. Think carefully about handovers
Face-to-face handovers of the children are a prime opportunity for problems. Your ex could turn up late just to mess up your day. Or they might start shouting in front of the kids when you inadvertently turn up late. Careful consideration of how and when to conduct handovers, perhaps going as far as to have someone else do them for you, can reduce the chance of problems.
If you anticipate problems, learning how you can set some boundaries in your parenting agreement is a good place to start.